Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
