Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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