Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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