I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
