I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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