i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
