I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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