So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
