Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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