To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You can't special order awesome
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
