you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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