he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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