So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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