thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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