she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
