if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
