What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
