9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
