I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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