Pappa wants mamma naked
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
