so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
