It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
