Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
