Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
