We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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