I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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