I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
