Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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