she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
