I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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