we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
