Can i not drive my cunt home
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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