it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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