Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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