Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
