So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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