I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
