i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
