You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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