my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
