What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
