The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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