How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
