Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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