so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
