well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
