i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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