Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
