Quick, to the slutcave!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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