Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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