Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
