i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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