oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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