38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
