Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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