I got chris browned last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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