Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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