I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
