she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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