They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
