Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
