just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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