I must be too annoying 4 u.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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