yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
