i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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