hell yes lets make some ravioli
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
